Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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