Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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