remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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