come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
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You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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