My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize