Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
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For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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