I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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