i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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