your parents love me but you hate me
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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