Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
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you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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