I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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