And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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