Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Vodka?
Forever.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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