I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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