Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You can't special order awesome
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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