yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize