Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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