Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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