I think my vagina is haunted
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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