with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
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he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
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What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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