She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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