Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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