Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize