I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You did what with his pubic hair?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize