Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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