i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize