last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize