piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize