The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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