I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
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just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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