We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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