walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
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Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
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I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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