Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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