is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
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The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
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Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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