yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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