It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
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I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
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He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
where are my eyebrows?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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