we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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