Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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