am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Houston, we have a blender
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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