i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
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Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
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The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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