I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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