we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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