There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
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You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
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Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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