how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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