He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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