I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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