I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize