she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Randomize