I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize