I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize